Steve Gamlin On What Remains After Love Changes Form

➡ Lisa Schermerhorn, host of the Grassroots Warrior Network, shares her journey of overcoming fear of public speaking with the help of her mentor, Steve. Steve, a former DJ turned author and stand-up comedian, has been a significant influence in Lisa’s life, helping her gain confidence and even adding humor to her speeches. They also discuss their shared experiences in Toastmasters, a vision board program, and their mutual support for people in need. The conversation highlights the importance of resilience, self-belief, and understanding your audience in public speaking.
➡ The speaker shares his experiences and strategies as a motivational speaker, focusing on connecting with individuals in the audience and providing them with practical advice to improve their lives. He targets people aged 35 to 60, who are seeking change in their lives. He also discusses the concept of a vision board, which he describes as a visual representation of one’s life goals and aspirations, and emphasizes the importance of understanding one’s values and forgiving oneself. The speaker believes in the power of collaboration and the importance of gratitude in personal development.
➡ The speaker shares his journey of self-discovery and overcoming personal challenges. He talks about his struggle with negative self-talk and how it affected his career as a speaker. He also shares a touching story about reconnecting with a high school friend, Tina, who later became his wife. Despite facing the loss of his wife, he continues to find gratitude and lessons in his experiences.
➡ A man shares his emotional journey after losing his partner, Tina, to a sudden heart event. He finds comfort in small signs he believes are from her, like songs they loved playing randomly or a potato shaped like a heart. Despite his grief, he’s not angry, but grateful for the love they shared. He encourages others to live fully and express love daily to avoid future regrets.
➡ This text discusses the concept of divine masculine and feminine present in everyone, regardless of gender. It highlights how societal norms often suppress men’s emotions, leading to anger and toxic masculinity. The speaker encourages men to express their feelings and be authentic, challenging the stereotypical image of masculinity. The text also touches on the speaker’s experiences with grief and the importance of celebrating loved ones’ lives, suggesting that sharing positive memories can provide comfort during mourning.
➡ Steve, a public speaker, shares his experiences and life lessons, including his time at Toastmasters, a public speaking organization, and his gratitude practice. He also talks about his book and postcard series about his dog, Super Teddy. Steve emphasizes the importance of being present, capturing moments, and expressing gratitude even in difficult times. He also mentions his upcoming Vision Board Mastery program, which aims to help people improve their lives.

Hi, Lisa Schermerhorn here in the Grassroots Warrior Network. And this is my show where truth Lies. And I’m here to introduce someone who is so near and dear to my heart. We’ve been friends over 15 years. I consider him my teacher, my mentor. We met in Toastmasters and we have a lot of funny stories. And one of the things that I want to share is that when I first started speaking, I was terrified to do a five to seven minute talk. Like, I would literally practice in the mirror for hours, hours for this five to seven minute talk.

And then Steve said, you know, my friend and I, Deb and I are doing this marathon speaking event and we think that you should do, you know, a talk. And I was like, you do? And then I hear 45 minutes or an hour, and I almost had a heart attack. I remember. And here’s the crazy thing. So that was a Thursday night, and then Friday morning, I had forgotten. So I was so worked up about my Thursday night talk that I’d forgotten I had a five to seven minute talk Friday morning. And I didn’t realize until 10 o’ clock that night.

And our meetings were 7 o’ clock on Friday morning. And that was the first time I just wong it. And I remember I was like, wow, this is actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. But I couldn’t have done it without your inspiration, your hand holding and your kindness. And I just want people to know before we get into your story about what a special human being you are and how much you mean to me. Well, and the feelings. Absolutely mutual. Lisa. I just adored you and your energy since the first time we met.

And we had, like you said when we started Toastmasters, so many memories that are still so much a part of who we are now. It’s almost like we each had a key to unlock something in each other. And it goes both ways, trust me. Believe me. And you’ve just been such a dear person to my heart. And that includes my current journey that I’m on, which we’ll be discussing during this conversation. Yeah, exactly. And you know, Steve started doing these vision boards and working with people. And there was a woman who I was president of the Women’s Club of Concord for many years.

And we housed people who were in transition, couldn’t afford regular rent housing either due to illness or some kind of abuse. They were. Had run, you know, from any. From situations, and we kept them safe. And there was this one beautiful woman who wanted to go to your event and didn’t have the money and you said, bring her. And I’d love for you to share Eileen’s story because that had such a huge impact in your. In your vision board program. Yeah. I remember that night so clearly in exactly the building it was in, because I was setting up for it and this and that.

And I said, well, we’re just waiting on a couple other people, and one of them was you. And then you, you called and said, you know, I’m with a friend. Is it okay? And I said, of course, bring her. And she turned out to be one of the most memorable characters from any of the events that I did. And just in my life in general, she was just this amazing spirit. And here she was, this woman who had lost virtually everyone in her life, in her family at least. She lost two children, right? Yeah. And her husband, I believe.

And her husband. Yeah. Yeah. And as. As I’m asking questions and talking about goals, she kind of sat there quietly, but then she started to open up. And then I find out that this amazing woman surfed Waimea Bay in Hawaii. Just had these incredible people that were part of her life and her journey. And even though at that time the perception would be that her life was kind of at a down point, you would never know it. Hanging out with her. Yeah. Didn’t she have an Oscar of some sort of. She had an Emmy statue. Yes.

That she kept out by her pool. And it was. I think. I forget if she. How she got it, but I wrote an article called the Dog Peed on the Emmy. Yes. She was so unpretentious about it that it was just this shiny little decoration for her. Yeah. In her garden. Yeah, in her garden. And the dog peed on it one time. And I just remember, oh, my gosh, if that isn’t a great statement or description of where we all are in this life, like, oh, well, it’s just. It’s just a shiny thing. And so the dog.

Dogs pee all the time. They got to go somewhere. And she wasn’t rattled about it. Now, you started out because your love of music as a dj, and you actually had your own morning show for many years. So take us back to, you know, the beginning of how you got into the work you’re doing now. Yeah, well, it all started when I was 11 because I was a shy kid. Not a lot of confidence, but I wanted to be a radio dj, a stand up comedian, an author of my own books, and a teacher of people, but not in a classroom.

And I went through the traditional thing, you know, hearing from my parents you know, go to school, get good grades, graduate college, get a good job with good benefits. Basically put your head down for 45 years and retire with a good pension. Not my wiring or my plan at all. So in my early 20s, broken, depressed, living on my grandfather’s couch, a friend asked me, why didn’t you ever get into radio? And I was out of excuses, so I did. I wound up in radio for 10 years. I wasn’t on air as a DJ though, until my eighth year because I was so just shy and had zero confidence in my voice.

And I had several people tell me, you don’t have a good DJ voice. So I was an off air rock morning show producer for most of that time. I was a real good producer, but I wasn’t standing in the spotlight where I wished I could be. And then our morning guy quit and I had to take over the role. So that got me, I shouldn’t say. I got my foot in the door, somebody threw me through the door. He said, there you go, do the damn show. And I was horrible. But I got confidence. And when I bailed out a radio, my whole life crashed.

First marriage ended. I was 62 grand in debt at age 35. And out of those ashes came speaking in stand up comedy in the same conversation with someone. And then my first of four books came out that year as well. So here we are, for better or for worse. And some people say, Steve, that’s amazing. You made all your dreams come true. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes. And I go, hang on, my phoenix rides a pogo stick. Dude, I’ve been back. I burnt my tail feathers off and regrown them so many times. They give us great stories.

They do give us great stories. And you’re an amazing storyteller, but it’s beyond stories because you live them. You know, you embody, you are who you are. You know, you talk about, you know, being inspiring. I mean, some of the things that you’ve had to go through and what you’ve been through recently and your heart is always still there. You know, you still put yourself out there and you have one of the biggest hearts of helping people. And I remember when I had, you know, when I had my first time speaking, it was the, what is it, the Boston Bipolar and Depression Association.

And you were this stand up comedian and you came in and helped me pepper my talk with all kinds of comedy. And I got up in front of this audience and I was terrified. And I was speaking in front of this group and no one was laughing and I just kept hearing your voice behind, you know, just get through. Because I wanted to run from the stage. I wanted to go. I was terrified. And I finished speaking, and I rem. And it just crickets. And I knew it was funny, and I’d even brought you in to help me make it funny.

And then I heard. Then the whole place lit up, you know, one hand after another and people asking question after question. At the end, the last person who spoke said, you know, it’s really hard when you’re depressed and bipolar on lithium because you don’t feel the high highs and the low lows. And my lesson was, find out who your audience is first, because I was speaking in front of an entire audience of people who were antidepressants, and that’s why they weren’t laughing. But, you know, life can throw you curveballs like that, and you have to have the confidence in yourself.

You have to know who you are. Because I could have run off the stage, but I realized at the end people loved what I had to say. I was just confused because I didn’t. Couldn’t feed off the energy. But you’ve had many times where you talk about inspire, motivational firewood. What are some of the things that you used to kind of get you through? And then we’re going to get to what you’re through recently. But what are some of the things that have helped you get through some of those difficult times? Putting myself in the audience’s seats.

You know, as. As a speaker, I. I’m. And I tell people, I said, look, we’re all on the same level here. It just may appear I’m talking down to you because I’m 6 foot 2 and I’m on a stage, but we’re. I’m having conversations, intimate conversations with one person at a time. It’s never you all. It’s never this huge, cavernous room, everybody who’s there, and. And this is how motivational firewood came to be, right? A trademark. Somebody asked me one time, what sets you apart as a speaker? And it took me about five minutes to finally get to this answer.

I reach for connection with eyes, with ears, with hearts, with souls, with minds. One person at a time. And I aim for the back rows and everybody seated in the shadows because they’re there. They show up to hear a speaker. They’re praying for a bit of knowledge or a nugget or someone that understands what they’re dealing with and can give them a couple of tips. You know, they got a spark in their heart. But they got nothing to fuel it with. If I give them a tip, a tactical lesson, a strategy, and they take action with it, and then they can improve their lives in some way.

So that’s, that’s still the approach even to this day. I mean, I’ve been speaking for over 20 years, is to connect with people and understand they’re in pain in some way. You know, if they just want to laugh, they’ll go to a comedy club. But if they want to really create impact in their life, they come here speakers like us. Right. And it’s my job, it’s my mission and my passion to give them something that just gives them hope. And if they apply it, they can wake up the next day, think one more positive thought, speak one more kind word, especially to that person in their mirror, and take one more positive action to create a good outcome.

So who are your favorite people to kind of speak to? Are certain groups or certain. Or is it. Pretty much. This works with everyone. Is there a certain type of person or profession that you prefer? Well, I found out early on in my speaking career that aeronautical engineers in the defense industry are not a good audience. Bankers. This one. I know the only time I’ve had to give back money because an HR director was so mad at me, really. Because I said I could speak to them and I. I couldn’t. Because you have to speak to them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically, my audience these days, It’s. It’s ages 35 to 60. Yeah. Evenly split, male, female. Which is really surprising because 70 of my audience used to be female because visualization was too woo. Woo. Yeah. But once the guys learned that I speak a language called blue collar. Woo, they. They kind of came back. People especially have gone through, whether it be divorce or career loss, the pandemic. Yeah. Was great for me because a lot of people said, I don’t want to go back to that version of me. Right. So they. They’ve started to seek out a better, more rewarding version and they start believing in themselves a little bit more.

So right now, that’s kind of the sweet spot. 35 to 60 people who are even in their second or third career. Yeah. And want to create change in their life because they, they see where they are now and they say, I don’t want to feel like this when I’m 70. Yeah. So you do work with people with vision board. Talk to me about vision board and how it works. And you know, why, why it’s helpful for people. Yeah. It’s not the arts and crafts project that so Many people still tell me, yeah, I tried that once, it didn’t work right.

It’s not an arts and crafts project. And here’s the basic way I describe it to people. A vision board is a wall mounted GPS for the best of your life. If you understand where you are right now, and I talk about eight different areas of life and use a life wheel, you’ve seen it. It’s a pretty standard tool in the personal development world. The one that I’ve created includes your physical health, your emotional well being. Imagine that. Setting goals for the emotions you want to feel. Feel your closest relationships, your core values and your faith that guide everything you do.

Your connection to the world in real ways, and then your career and your money. Evaluate where you are right now and don’t just say it sucks. Yeah. Scale of 1 to 10. Or if you’re a creative like I am, describe it, what’s the best of it right now? And then start to think in each area, where would you like your life to be in one year? And don’t say 10 across the board, but in one year, what improvement would you like to see? What part have you been ignoring? What needs your attention the most? And then start to envision, what would that look like, feel like, sound like, smell like, taste like.

Start to create the story of your life day to day. Don’t just give me the highlight reel day to day, how do you want to feel? Who do you want to be around? How do you want to feel about yourself? What do you need to do about your health? And then start to think, what picture, what hashtag, what phrase, what quote, what anything would represent that. And start to create those things and map them out on a board. Now, one thing I also caution people, figure out what’s most important in your life, not just the most important goal.

What’s most important in your life? I personally believe this is just my belief that needs to be the center of the board. Right? And you worked outward from that. What other parts of your life support that? And it becomes a living, breathing version of potential in your life. And then you need to build an action plan to get there. You need to understand why you want what you want. A deep emotional connection, and then start to think of the people you need to be around. Things you need to learn, actions you need to take, collaborations that could be a part of it.

You’re. You are a master collaborator, Lisa. Your collaborations have taken you literally around the world over the past couple years. And I just sit here and just because I know you’re Doing the work. Well, it’s a combination. But. But thank you. But here’s the thing that I love about you do, because this. These are the basics that people don’t really understand, because people will say, all right, I want more money. Right. I want to attract more money. You think about the law of attraction, but what people don’t understand is there are conscious and unconscious beliefs that they have.

And your wheel that I love, where you’re breaking it down, because more money could be related to health issues. It could be that you’re not in an industry that shares your values. How are you going to be successful? It took me a long time to discover what my own personal values were because I went through a period of time where I gave my power away to everyone and I listened to what other people. People said. So I. I took on values that I thought should be mine, not what was mine, if that makes sense. You could spend a whole year on that wheel on one cog.

Right. Health weight. Maybe you have a goal to lose 50 pounds. You need to go deep on the mental, emotional, spiritual, physical issues. Just in one of those. Right. And that’s why this, I think, is so important, because you’re breaking it down. For me, one of the most important things that has been is forgiveness. Because, you know, you talk about the phoenix rising and dipping that tail, you know, several times in the fire. We all have. You know, you can call it the dark night of the soul, whatever you want to call it. Unfortunately, we often don’t have just one.

We can have multiples as we’re growing. So I learned to look at them in a place of gratitude. And you talk about gratitude a lot and forgiving and letting go. And when you let go of all that stuff, that cog in the wheel will become round instead of this little rocky thing that’s. Yeah. Where one spoke gets stuck in the mud and you go, oh, no. You know, it’s that one that keeps holding you back. And. Yeah, forgiveness has been a big keyword for me over the past year. And. Yeah. You know, I’m in the mud in a few.

In a few areas like everybody else. Yes. You know, there’s nothing about us that’s not real. That’s. That’s what I love about. About working with you and being in being your friend is that we’re just. We’re just real people who happen to figure it out. Some stuff. Yeah. And we share it, but we’re also open, authentic, and vulnerable enough to say, look, we’re not perfect. Yeah. You know, I’M not a speaker that looks like, you know, Tony Robbins and Joel Osteen had a kid. I mean, I’m not like this, this perfect specimen of a human being up on a stage, so prescripted and so in my word, manipulative with some of the tactics and stuff.

You know, I’m the guy sitting on the front of the stage with his legs dangling off with a couple rips in his jeans saying, hey, you want to know what life has taught me and, and what all these, you know, these muddy boots and all these little dings, dents and scars are about? Let me tell you, this is what I’ve learned and, and you live it. And it does come from an authentic life. And I’d love, you know, what were some of your biggest challenges, you know, working your way through this because, you know, as you’re.

I always find that when I’m working with people, they’re always nipping at my heels. Like I get a client and suddenly I’m like, oh, I just worked on that last week, thank God. So we’re always working on ourselves too. But what have been some of your greatest challenges? Getting through, through all of this and, and how you inspire people in your speaking? Yeah. Well, for the first 10 years of the new millennium, my biggest challenge was my self talk. I was, I would win an Olympic gold medal at self deprecation. Yeah. And the, you know, so many people, even in the speaking world, they say go up there and be self deprecating.

It’ll, it’ll, you know, ingratiate you with the audience. No, no, that’s not how you get real with an audience. I was a world class horrible self talker. I mean, if you look around, if, if I still even have them, my journals from the early 2000s, apparently my pet name for myself was Hurricane Dumbass Category 5. Wow. Which is the strongest hurricane. I used to have speeches even at Toastmasters. The idiot in his odyssey. And somebody called me out one time and said, steve, you’ve used the word idiot in three speech titles in a row. You might want to go a little easier on yourself because you’re costing yourself a lot and you don’t even know it yet.

So that was a big one that I worked through, thinking I could speak to any audience and then speaking to a room full of aeronautical engineers in the defense industry. That was a big one. That one almost ended my career early because, because I was so distraught over that. And you know, every time we have those down moments, there’s always an angel that comes through Right. And shows us the light of who we are. Because about a week after I was hiding here in the recording studio after that disaster of a speech, someone reached out and said, hey, Steve, I know we haven’t talked in a while, but you shared this tip with me, and I just wanted to let you know that it worked really well when I applied it.

And thank you. You saved my life. Now, I don’t believe I saved anyone’s life ever, but I love that we have impact. So this. There’s just been a handful of those. And, of course, the most recent was about 13 months ago at the time of this broadcast, when I lost my beloved wife, Tina. Yeah, that one I’m still recovering from. But there’s also been some gifts and a lot of gratitude surrounding that, which is pretty much saved me. Well, you have a beautiful story of how you met and reconnected with her. I don’t know if you want to share that story.

Sure. Yeah. It’s got me on Oprah’s radio network when she had a show on XM Satellite four times. So. Yeah. Wow. We. We went to high school together, graduated in June of 1986. We were. We were super close friends, had some classes together, and then at graduation, we just kind of went our own way. Yeah. And I went off and did the radio career, had my first marriage, blew everything apart, started putting it back together, learned visualization from our mutual mentor, Jack Canfield, and all the people from the Secret, and John Azarap and Dr. Joe Vitale.

And I started making vision boards. And on every single board, I started to describe this ultimate relationship I wish to have. And I was also, at the time, creating the best version of me who would be attractive to the person I chose as my. My purpose. And I want to. And I want to emphasize that I want to go back to that, because that was some of the greatest piece of advice someone gave me, because people will sit there and go make this long, long list of the person that they want to attract. And my question is always, are you the person that that person would want to be with? Yeah, exactly.

If not, then what are the things that you need to work on in order to attract that person? So I’m really glad you added that, because that’s really key. Yeah. I had pictures of a couple walking hand in hand on a beach, standing at the railing of a ship at sunset, laughing as they’re making a meal together at the kitchen island in their home. And In January of 2007, I just had this feeling. I said, this is the year that I’m going to meet her, whoever she may be. And in early June, I wrote in my journal, I am ready to fall in love.

Which is me reminding myself, you’ve done all the work you said you wanted to do, and then telling the universe, hey, I’m ready. And on June 16, I got an email that I almost deleted because I thought it was spam. Dang, those squirrels in my head. Yeah, the thundering herd. And then I went back later that day, and I read it, and it was from someone named Tina. And then I realized it was my friend Tina from high school. And I answered her email, and then she sent her phone number. I called her a couple days later.

First words out of her mouth that I’ve heard in 21 years. It’s about time you call. And I just started laughing. I said, oh, my gosh, she has not changed. And I. And I just love that voice. She wouldn’t send me a picture, nor did she have any social media footprint. So over the next few weeks of texting and phone calls and emails, I’m starting to have feelings for her and remembered I had a crush on her for three years in high school, but never had the guts to ask her out. Now, did she have a crush on you and was waiting or was she hadn’t realized it yet.

I found that out on July 21st of that year. She sent me a text, and she said, can I tell you something if you promise not to freak out? And I said, sure. And she said, here’s how I actually felt about you in high school. How I felt when I saw your name online, how I felt when you answered my email, when I heard your voice, and how I feel right now. And she texted 1, 4, 3. And I had to Google it real quick. It’s text for I love you. One letter, four letters, three letters.

And I texted her right back and said, I love you, too. Wow. Still wouldn’t send me a picture. And then a month later, she came up to New Hampshire. She was living in Florida at that time. Her grandmother was having surgery. She flew up, and I met her at the airport and just fell apart. She was just so stunningly, amazingly, naturally. Yeah, beautiful. And I got to be in love with her for 6,386 of the best days of my life. How beautiful. Yeah. And then a little over a year ago, the two of you went to England.

Yeah, we were going to. To a George Michael tribute concert. His old singers and musicians from his touring band. Oh, wow. Put together a series of show with the blessings of his estate, which is almost impossible to get. And Tina surprised me in July. She said, I know where our next trip is. We had just come back from a Mediterranean cruise. I know where our next trip is. I said, okay, where? She goes, we’re going to London. I said, oh, that’ll be great, because that’s one of the countries we didn’t see or get to visit. And I said, when do you want to go? She goes, we’re leaving December 7th.

And I’m thinking, it’s cold over there. Don’t you want to go during the summer? And she goes, well, in her big blue eyes and her little smile. And I went, what’s happening in December? She goes, there’s a George Michael tribute concert that I would love to see. So we went. We landed the morning of the 8th and had the most amazing, deep hand holding, loving, genuine, gentle, authentic, vulnerable conversation of our lives that night in the hotel bar. And 12 hours after that, we went to breakfast. She had some work to do, so I set up her laptop.

I went down to the hotel gym, came back up. She was slumped over on the couch. She had had a heart event, and she still had a pulse. So as I worked with a hotel employee to try to revive her, she literally died in my arms before the EMTs got there. Wow. Heartbreaking. How do you. How do you, after that, go on from there? It’s not easy. Yeah, you’re numb. Y. You’re shaking. Physically. Yeah. Your heart’s in a million pieces. You know that your favorite person in the world, you’re never going to see again in this world.

Right? But you do everything you can to honor that person, and you protect their memory and their legacy, and you do your best. And I instantly had to become the organized one, right? And she was already being my angel. Because the day before, in the afternoon, we were outside walking down the street, and we stopped on the sidewalk in front of our hotel, and I looked across the street at this building, and I. And I started laughing. I said, oh, my gosh, that building looks like Nakatomi Plaza from the movie Die Hard, which is a Christmas movie.

Don’t let anybody tell you different. And I said, oh, babe, I don’t have my phone. Can I take a picture with your phone? So I did. And when we got back upstairs, I said, oh, babe, what’s the password for your phone so I can get that picture? In 17 and a half years, I had never asked her the password for her phone. Wow. Everything was in that phone so that the next Morning after she passed, I was able to find her family’s phone numbers. Yeah. Her boss’s number, the hotel reservation, the flights home, the limo picking us up in Boston, the travel insurance policy that I didn’t even know she had taken out.

Everything was in that phone. Wow. And for whatever reason, the day before, I asked her the password. Wow. Incredible. And. And I see on social media you often post things like you. You see, you get messages from her. Yeah. You see things that. That. What are some things that, you know that she’s around you. A lot of them have to do with Alexa and YouTube and the radio. Songs will just pop up. Yeah. Out of the blue, you know, I’ll request one song I’ll shout out to Alexa because we always used her as a jukebox. I’ll shout out a song, and all of a sudden, she’ll play two or three of the songs Tina and I enjoyed most.

Now, some people will say it’s an algorithm, but there are songs that I have never asked her to play that I know Tina loved that pop up in the middle of these. And it’s just amazing. And a lot of times in the mornings now, Tina wanted to be cremated. So I have a very small keepsake urn in our living room. I have a couple of shelves made up to honor Tina. As soon as I put those shelves up one day I finished my workout and I came in the living room, I opened up the blinds, the sun was lit right on those two shelves just perfectly.

So it’s this time of the year, kind of end of the year, first month of the new year. Yeah. The sun hits them perfectly because the sun, of course, has different patterns, different times of the year. But for about a month and a half, it will light up those shelves beautifully. And every time I see it, the tears just come. And I always say, thank you, baby. Because I called her baby. She called me honey. So I always just say, thank you, baby. So little stuff like that, I see hearts everywhere. One of my mentors, Terry Levine, always talks about looking for hearts.

I find them everywhere. And at Christmas, I was cooking up a bunch of food. My family and I have a non profit and we’re cooking for a homeless shelter. So I sent my sister to the store. She was up from Texas, and I said, I need five russet potatoes. She came home, she goes, I have six. I said, okay. She said, tina sent me one. She takes it out. It is a russet potato in the shape of a heart. Wow. And I hung onto it for a couple of weeks. On the counter. And I would look at it every day and I’d go, let’s get a little soft.

So last night, I used that potato to make Tina’s favorite thing I ever made with potatoes, homemade french fries for her. And seasoned them up just like she would like them. Put on a little too much cayenne so my sinuses are better. But it was just. It’s. It’s so many little things that I just look up and go, yeah, I know that was you all right, baby. Thank you. You remind me of. I have a friend who passed away less than a year ago. And. Excuse me. She was one of those, like, impromptu let’s go kind of things.

And she loved the band Heart. And the New Hampshire Pavilion is a four hour drive from me. And she’s like, just got two tickets to lawn seats. Do you want to go? And she packed a cooler and we just drove, went to the concert, and then we drove back. And after she passed, her favorite place was the Nubbel Lighthouse in Maine. And this was wild because I was going to visit my cousins who live in Portland. This is southern Maine. I’m sorry. Said I’m going to stop and I’m going to go check out the Nubble Lighthouse and say a prayer for her.

And I sat there across from the lighthouse and just asked for a sign. I got in my car, started it, and a song from Heart came on the radio. Goosebumps. Yeah. Yeah. So you know when you’re in this place of gratitude because you could have been really angry and bitter and let your life turn upside down, and I know that’s not who you are, but I’m sure you have those moments where you probably get angry at the world and do a little, why me? Or why her? Or anything like that. What do you say to people when they’re going through not necessarily a death, but a loss, you know, of anything.

How do you get through that? First off, feel your feelings. Yeah. I was recently on a show called Real Men Feel. And I’ve gotten so much feedback on that because as guys, you know, we’re told, suck it up, walk it off, rub, rub dirt on it. Yeah. You know, you’re going to be fine. Feel your feelings, Let them out. You know, and it’s funny because anger is one. I mean, there’s a couple of people, yes. That have brought that out in me. But not angry at the world, Was never angry at God and never upset with Tina wishing she had gone to the doctor because she had ischemic heart disease.

So it Was a long process of her slowly getting worse. And either she didn’t know it or she didn’t let me know. But I was never for a moment, you know, angry at her or God or life. It’s part of life, right? I was more grateful than anything because we squeezed so much love into all those days. And one of the things that really helped me with that, to not feel angry or lost or regretful. In her desk, I found a folder with all of the little sticky note love notes I’d written for her over the past few years that we’ve been in this house.

Yeah. Every card I ever gave her, she had the two CDs of songs that I had put together for the first weekend we saw each other, to slow dance to in her hotel room. The first weekend I saw her in 21 years. She kept so we knew each other’s love language. So there’s no way I could be mad at her for not being here anymore because we did it right. And that’s, that’s something I encourage people. Look, if you don’t want to be angry someday, do the right things today. If you think you’re going to regret something someday and then be angry and frustrated and just ticked off, do it today.

Be the best version of yourself today. And that’s going to help to quell a lot of those. What could be anger and negative emotions later. I mean, there’s a lot of sadness, of course. Cry a little bit several days a week. Yeah. And just moments. But yeah, put the right emotions into every day and every relationship and everything you do. And I think that’s going to reduce. We see people that are screaming and mad and this and that. What it comes down to, I think a lot of times it’s actually something about themselves. Well, that’s, that’s true.

But you just touched on something that I think is really important for people to understand. And there’s a term called the divine masculine. We have the divine feminine and the divine masculine. Each human being has, whether you’re male or female, whatever you want to call your. Everyone has a divine feminine and divine masculine. But what’s hard is that women as girls, we grow up and we’re taught to feel our feelings. We’re allowed to have our feelings. We’re allowed to cry it out and talk about our feelings. But you’re right, when it comes to men, you know, suck it up, big boys don’t cry.

Dealing with all that. And men deal with things differently anyway. They tend to process differently. But men have a divine Masculine and a divine feminine as well. And so what’s happened is we’ve all been programmed to be out of balance. So there. Marry a lot of women, and it shows up as being. Wanting to be rescued all the time, that Cinderella syndrome, and not stepping into your power. And for men, it’s that being devoid of emotion and not allowing themselves to feel, which when you suppress, that comes up as anger. So you see a lot of, you know, a lot of people, and they talk about toxic masculinity.

That’s because you’ve got someone who’s stored up a lot of grief, and it’s coming out as anger and rage because they don’t know what to do with it. And I love that you have more men, because when I started in this industry, it was generally 90% women. You might have a group of people and one man show up for class. Now the fact that you’re seeing, you know, close to 50, 50, you know, and even more even amount is really hopeful for me to see that because men need more men as mentors. So do you work with men? Do.

What kind of language are you using with men to make it feel safe for them to do this kind of work? You know, it’s funny. I joke up front usually. I said, look, you know, I’m. I’m a guy, former athlete, former, you know, motocross, skydiving, all this and that. But then the other end of that spectrum for me is Tina used to look at me and just. Just laugh and say, you realize you’re the chick in this relationship, right? Because I remembered all the anniversaries and stuff like that. So I could be sensitive and all that, but still be, you know, masculine as well.

So I let these guys know. First off, I said, look, you know, I’m a masculine dude. And here’s the spectrum of things that I feel and I do and I think and I say and I. And. And I love I about my life. So no matter what other people have told you, it’s okay to feel these things. It’s okay to be this way. It’s okay to be the person who puts yourself out first, authentically and vulnerably. If there’s something you want to say to somebody and a way you feel about somebody and be open and honest with your feelings and don’t just be that quiet, brooding guy that Hollywood has shown us that all the women really want, but inside, they’re messed up.

And they’re not being their best selves. They’re being what everybody else shoves them into. So that’s, you know, if I get somebody that comes off to me as total alpha, you know, CEO, boom, boom, boom. You know, it’s all about the money. It’s all about this. It’s all about strength. It’s not about showing weakness and that we will never work together. Right. Because I filter very easily who I’m willing to work with. But unfortunately, there’s still some people out there teaching that that is the right way to be. I’m not saying it’s wrong. It’s just not my way.

Right. No. I tend to attract the right people. Of course. Come my way. Yeah, of course. So where are you headed now? What is it you’re looking to go to now or there? Kind of. Has the whole world kind of opened up in a different way for you now, seeing the world from this different perspective? Yeah, it’s definitely impacted how I do everything. Yeah. And it’s. It’s kind of a. I mean, I remember far enough back in school, you’d have those clear plastic sheets on an overhead projector. There’s another layer on top of everything I was already doing, which involves the grief journey and even stronger reason to be authentic and genuine and vulnerable and real in everyday life.

And that has impacted the stuff that I already do. And I’ve added that on. It’s also opened up that I will be speaking at grief conferences at some point, sharing my grief journey. I don’t necessarily wish to be a grief counselor, but I am sandwiched in between the experts at an event who need somebody to come up and storytell and just tell my journey authentically so other people can go, I relate to that. I relate to that. Then. Then they can say, oh, what this other expert said. I can now apply that because I relate to it.

So I’m going to be, you know, kind of the peanut butter and jelly between scientific bread, I guess. Right. At these grief conferences. That’s going to be a big part of what I do moving forward. I would love to, because this is a whole new audience that I know is in a lot of pain. Yeah. And I get to blend my story in some humor as well, and a lot of gratitude about this journey and the nuggets of gold I’m finding in it that I never thought I would. I think one of the most important things is that everyone reacts differently around death and loss.

Right. And so even from hearing the initial information of whether or not to say something or not to do, I go to the funeral because I didn’t know them very well. Do I say anything after the fact or do I keep quiet? Am I going to upset them? There’s so many things that we as a society don’t talk about. Death, we don’t talk about. And. And even to the point, you know, there’s. There’s the physical of taking care of your finances and all that, you know, that many people don’t do. Then you have the. The mental, emotional.

There’s so many different parts. And is there a right way? Is there a wrong way? How do you give permission to people to address others? Again, everyone grieves and mourns differently, but from your own experience, you know, how does someone help someone who’s grieving? I can’t necessarily say there’s a right way and a wrong way. I can say what works for me and what I suggest to people. Celebrate what you loved most about that person. Yeah. And I. I’ve done this at funerals, even if I didn’t know the family. Yeah. Now, it’s been rough for me to go to funerals this past year, but this is something I’ve done my entire life, even if I don’t know them.

I will go to pay my respects, but I’ll also share with the person with. Whether it be a spouse or. Or kids or whatever and say, well, we’ve never met, but I knew your person through this, and I always loved how they did this. And I love when people have said that about Tina. My favorite Tina memory is this. And I was at a funeral one time, and it was a gentleman who had passed. He was in my BNI chapter for a couple of years, and we always had a good laugh together. And I went up and I said this to his wife, and she goes, oh, my God, you’re Steve.

And it just floored me. And she said, bob spoke about you often. Thank you so much for being here today. You just. You just made me feel good because you came in and said something wonderful about the person that I lost. Wow. That’s why I love when they’re referred to as a celebration of life. Yes. And, you know, some people really did that well with Tina, her boss, and her two team members from work, who all live in different states, different parts of the country, all flew up that one day to come. Wow. And we sat around the table at the after meal.

Yeah. Just telling Tina stories. And. Oh, my gosh, I. It helped me so much. Beautiful. Yeah. And. And the two. Was it the two of you that shared Super Teddy? Yeah. She and her mom had adopted him, and he lived with her mother most of the time, but 11 miles away. So we would. We would babysit sometimes. And he was so wonderful. He was like a little old man in a dog house. What kind of dog was he? He was a Yorkie Pomeranian mix. So if. If he. If he hit 10 pounds, it meant he was fat.

Yeah. So we. He was usually around eight and a half, nine pounds, but just amazing. And he brought so much love into our home when we got to have him. And you even wrote a book about him. Yeah, he wrote his own book. Yeah, he wrote his own book called bust out of your crate. Super Teddy’s top 20 tips for people to be as happy as dogs. Yes, I had that. I had that book somewhere. This may only be five years, six years. I’m sorry. This May. Since he passed, I still have people reaching out to me, saying, I miss Super Teddy, or I have the book, or I have one of his postcards, because we took the book and made a postcard series.

I’ve got one of Super Teddy’s postcards have been in my fridge for all these years. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. And one last thing that just popped into my head about you that I still crack up, and I tell this story to this day is about going back to Toastmasters is. There were a lot of professional speakers in that group and that. Toastmasters, for people who don’t know what Toastmasters is, it’s an organization that teaches people how to speak in public. But you don’t have to be a public speaker. You might want to just learn how to speak up in meetings.

And it teaches impromptu kind of speaking, speaking. And I’ll never forget, I was sitting. They were very much about being on time. And I was sitting in the parking lot, and I was five minutes late, and I’m like, do I go in? Do I not go in? And I love the group so much, but I was nervous that people would be mad at me. And I remember, I’m like, I’m just gonna go. And I go to walk in, and you were doing an impromptu speech, and you were standing right by the front door. So as I walked in, he literally put his arm around me, and it was just like, you included me in that talk as if it were planned.

That’s how good Steve is. And I still talk about that to the day of how you were just able to just on a switch, just bring that story to life. Yep. Yeah, we won the ribbon that day, too. Yes, we did. I think in the credits rolling at the end of the Meeting you were best supporting actress in a humorous role. To that I. I still think about that so often as well. Be in the moment and see what’s around you. And. And when you think back to what you were saying, you used to stand in front of the mirror and practice over and over and over.

Rote memorization, which pulls the soul out of it right when you’re in a moment. And that’s why I tell people, look, I know we don’t want to be on our phones all the time. Bring your phone with you or a camera or something. Wherever you are, there’s something to be captured that can impact your life forever. And in that moment, you walked in the door just as I got to it, and you walked right into potential. And we made something amazing happen that now, 15 plus years later, we are both still talking about as an impactful moment in both of our lives for different reasons.

Exactly. You got included and I had somebody walk in that I could use as a resource, as a prop. As a prop. I didn’t want to say a prop because you know that that cheapens you somehow. But your. Our energies collided at exactly that moment. You were vulnerable enough to walk into a room late and risk negative feedback. And instead you landed in my arm. Yeah. And became part of my story that day. And our shared energy was selected as the most impactful presentation of the day. So we did that together. Well, Steve, is there anything that we haven’t touched on that you feel is important for the audience? You mentioned gratitude, and I just wanted to share very quickly my gratitude practice.

Yeah. Perfect. For over 15 years now, I’ve kept gratitude journals. And some people say, I don’t have time for that. I write the date and I write the word great stuff. And I write 1, 2, 3, and in less than a line each, I describe my three favorite moments from the previous day. I do it in the morning, some people do it at night moments. And don’t broad brush, don’t say my health, my wealth, my partner. Right. Tell me a specific moment if you want to say your health. Great. What was it? Did you have a personal record on the treadmill today or did you choose good food for all three meals in a row, which is amazing.

Do that. And I have written some years, over 1,000 gratitude moments. And when people say, steve, the day you lost Tina was the worst day of your life. Yep. There couldn’t possibly be anything you were grateful for. Yeah, there was. She had a pulse when I found her. Yeah. And I realized that afternoon her body was in the hotel room with me for 11 hours before the coroners came. I gave her her final foot rub because I had forgotten to give her one the night before. So I sat there on my knees, crying my eyes out, talking with her, rubbing her feet.

That’s in my gratitude journal. So there’s something every day you can be grateful for that when you read a year, five years, 10 years, 20 years from now, if you do it right, you can feel those good emotions again. Well, you made me cry. Thank you so much, Steve. I so appreciate you in my life. And is there any. How do people find you? You can find me on social media. I still spend a lot of time there. Facebook and LinkedIn. If you look up my name, Steve Gamlin, G A M L I N. And I’ve got a brand new website and a relaunch of my.

In a rebrand of my Vision Board Mastery program coming out soon. Soon. And that will be@stevegamlinspeaker.com. okay, and you’re calling it. It’s no longer Vision Board of the Ultimate Life Vision. Ultimate Life Vision. Yeah. One of my mentors heard me say Vision Board Mastery and then she heard me explain what it’s all about. And she goes, all right, I gotta call you out on this one. It goes way beyond that. This is not how to build a vision board. This is how it can impact your entire life. So. So she said, so you’re breaking all the aspects of people’s lives where they need, helping people determine where to where the improvement needs.

And most people don’t even know where it is. So this is a great fact finding, really life building. And I will tell you when you get to that point where you can really start to hone in on who you are. Because I saw something that said authenticity is the highest frequency that we can be really understand who we are and not being afraid to be ourselves any longer. And so to be able to do this and really step into it. Because when you do, life will happen to you in such beautiful ways. You’ll start manifesting things.

You know, I watch the way my life just unfolds of things just start to happening when I surrender and let go. And all those dreams that I had on my last. My vision boards are all I wanted to travel the world. And it’s happening. It may not have been on my timeline, but it happened exactly in divine timing when it was supposed to. And yeah, it’s amazing. It used to be, you know, Lisa would say, let’s get on a zoom call. I go, well, okay, which room is Lisa gonna be in? Eventually, they got to which country is Lisa? And so they can get the time right.

You know, and I love that for you because I remember all the conversations when you said you wanted all the things you’re living right now. Yes. I remember that, because you and I have stayed in touch, and I absolutely adore you. Well, thank you. All of these things. And I go, she’s doing it. She’s doing it. She’s doing it. See? But it takes a lot of courage to get rid of the old stuff, the old belief systems, all of that, the programming. And when you do, your life will change in ways. And, you know, I look at Steve and how far he’s come, how far.

I’m talking as if you’re not here, how far you’ve come. And you walk the walk. You talk the talk. What you see is what you get. And that’s one of the things that I love about you, because even despite what you’ve just been through, you still use everything that you talk about and you live it well. Steve, thank you so much again, and I look forward to connecting with you again soon. Yeah. Thank you. Lisa. This has been an absolute joy. And I’ll give you the one word, the. The greatest word I can tell anybody. This conversation was effortless, and I mean that in the best way possible.

Love that. Thank you.
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