Marriage and Submission

Spirit-filled people are submissive. That is to say they are not dominating, they are not proud, they are not self-willed, they do not live by their own agenda, which is of course the way people in our culture and our society today live. And we have sown the seeds of a self-esteem psychology and we have reaped a harvest of pride, overwhelming pride, personal pride, self-glorification, self-will, domination of the environment by one’s own person and plans. But spirit-filled people are submissive by the work of the Holy Spirit. The word here for subject or submit is hupotasso.

It’s a Greek verb, hupotasso, it’s compounded. It means tas means to arrange, to place in order, and hupo is under. It’s a military term. It means to place yourself under, to rank yourself under. That’s what it means in the military sense. It is to rank yourself under those in authority over you, under those who have responsibility for you, to be under someone. As a general principle, as Christians, we are to live lives of submission. This is so clearly the general principle of Christian living that it is referred to many times, in particular in the New Testament, but perhaps as clear a section as there is, is Philippians 2.

In Philippians 2 we read in verse 1, we’ll just pick it up in verse 1. If there’s any encouragement in Christ, any consolation of love, any fellowship of the Spirit, any affection and compassion, talking about mutually among believers, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, loving everybody the same, thinking the same things, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. How in the world can you do that? How can you get along so completely with others? Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. That is the soul of submission. It is humility. It is being unselfish, having no conceit, but with humility of mind, considering others as more important than yourselves. Not looking out for your own interests, but the interests of others. That is a spiritual grace that is produced by the Holy Spirit. If there is any fellowship of the Spirit, any real fellowship of the Spirit, this then will appear. And, by the way, the greatest illustration of this is Christ himself.

You are to have this attitude of humble submission in yourselves, verse 5, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although he existed in the form of God, didn’t regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, held onto, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, and being made in the likeness of men. Found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross. This is what it means to be submissive, to be humble, to look not on your own things, but the things of others.

That broad command is also repeated in 1 Corinthians 1616. You also be in subjection to such men, and to everyone who helps in the work and labours. In other words, the Apostle Paul instructs the Corinthians as a matter of life to submit themselves to all who labour in the work of the kingdom. Be submissive is a general way of life. In Hebrews 1317, we are commanded to be submissive to those who are over us in the Lord, those who watch for our souls, those who must give an account for us to God. Obey your leaders, it says, and submit to them.

1 Peter 2 and verse 13 says submit to the authority of the government, whatever institution there is. 1 Peter 5-5, submit to the elders and pastors. So this attitude of submission just is pervasive in Christian living, and a spirit-filled person will be humbly submissive. I really think this is the grace that most women are looking for in a man. You say, wait a minute, aren’t men supposed to be the authority in a relationship? Yes, but it is a submissive kind of authority, and we’re going to talk about that. I think most women are looking for a humble man, selfless man, a man who is not preoccupied with his own agenda, and his own needs, and his own expression, and his own will, and his own plans, and I know most men are looking for the same in a woman, humbly submissive.

And that submission can be seen in the grace of humility, and in the way we respond to one another, who serve the Lord, as well as to those who are over us in the Lord. It is this submissive attitude that makes a marriage work. I don’t have any question about the fact that I’m supposed to be the head of Patricia, my wife, and she doesn’t have any restraints placed upon her by that, that in and of itself are abusive or harsh, because I understand that while I have authority over her given to me from God, I am also commanded to be submissive to her in every area of her needs.

Sometimes, when people say to me, what’s the key to a good marriage? What’s the key to a marriage full of joy and blessing? And I’ll tell you what it is in a very simple sentence, and this is my objective in dealing with the wife that I adore. It is simply this. Whatever will bring her joy and be to her benefit, I will submit to do happily because all I want is her joy and spiritual benefit. It’s that simple. It’s not complicated. It’s not brain surgery. Do I always achieve that end? Ask her.

She will tell you no. But do I always desire to achieve that end? Of course. I submit to her joy, to her fulfillment, to what blesses her and encourages her, and exercise my leadership in that way. The same would be true as a father. Do I have authority over my children? Yes. Am I responsible to God for the leadership of my children? Yes. But because I love my children, whatever would be to their joy and their fulfillment and their happiness and their spiritual benefit, I can’t do it fast enough. So this is a kind of submission that is really pervasive through all relationships, whether you have the role of being the head or not.

This is foundational to everything. Everybody submits at some level. We all submit to each other. We all submit to the elders. We all submit to the government. As wives, you submit to your husbands. As husbands, there’s a way in which you submit to your wives. Children submit to parents, but parents also submit to children. It’s mutual. There is a kind of submission, a spiritual care, that characterises all of us in all our relationships. I think about it as a pastor. I’ve been given a responsibility over you in the Lord. What does that mean? Does that mean I conduct myself like Jim Jones and we all end up drinking the Kool-Aid? No.

What it means is, I’m accountable before God. I have to give an account. Hebrews 1317, I have to give an account to God for my care for you, and my authority over you must take respect for your particular and unique needs. It is a kind of authority that has at its heart care, which means compassion, and submission to the things that are needful in your life. Now, this doesn’t mean we don’t have leaders. We do. They are responsible to lead, but with an attitude of submission, you understand? That’s how it functions and how it operates.

So, we’re going to talk about each of these relationships from the perspective that it’s all a kind of submission. It’s all a kind of submission. Everybody’s in the pecking order, even leaders. You know, you follow the leaders who are your pastors, but we follow Christ. Everybody’s in the order of God’s design. A wife follows the lead of her husband, but her husband is under the authority of the elders of the church, and they’re under the authority of Christ. And so it goes. All of us submit to one another. And this is a beautiful kind of thing, just in the experience of believers alone.

And I am convinced that this is the evidence of the work of the Holy Spirit in a very remarkable way. The most, I guess the most important spiritual attribute that believers have in the assembly of God in the church is humility. Because apart from humility, we would have chaos. We would have absolute chaos. And when I look at our church and I see the loving unity among the leaders and the pastors and the elders and the congregation, I see that submission working in our congregation. It’s a wonderful thing to see. All right, having established that overarching principle of submission, let’s look at chapter five and start with the wives.

We’re going to start with the wives, and yes, we will get to the husbands. Thank you for joining us in this exploration of marriage and submission. Until next time, remember to keep the faith, stay strong, and continue to shine your light in the world. To hear these daily devotions of your daily bread, please log on to goddessgovernment.com. Goodbye, and may your faith always lead the way. [tr:trw].